How to Get In Shape for Summer, According to Black Widow
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Daredevil Vol. 2 Issue 63

With summer right around the corner, many of us are starting to plan our workout routines in order to get in shape for swimsuit season. If you’re one of the many people looking for the best boot camp or the most detoxing green juice, you’re in luck! We caught up with the famed Avenger Natasha Romanoff, widely known as Black Widow, and she has some advice.

Nerdy Sarah: Being an Avenger, you have to stay in great shape. What fitness or wellness tips do you have for our readers?

Black Widow: Truthfully, you don’t have to do shit. You definitely don’t have to diet. Every body is a summer body. If you want a bikini body, just put a bikini on your body.

NS: Yeah, but doesn’t staying in shape make you feel better? You must be in great health. Isn’t that a good thing?

BW: The connection between health and weight is constantly being inflated. And actually, expressing concern for someone’s “health” is usually just a passive aggressive way to judge their body. And let me tell you, as someone who’s been cloned, had my body exposed to super soldier serum, and literally died and come back, I understand the importance of respecting someone’s boundaries when it comes to their body.

NS: Ok, that makes sense. But we know that our physical appearance can change how people perceive us. Being in shape sends a message about who you are, right?

BW: I mean, it doesn’t have to be that way, though. Just ask Ant-Man. Does he suddenly become a different person when he transforms physically? No. He does not. He’s still Scott Lang whether he’s as tiny as an M&M or as huge as Godzilla. And he deserves the same respect either way.


DISCLAIMER: This blog is satire.