NEW YORK, NY – In a press conference today, private investigator and woman with superhuman strength Jessica Jones announced she doesn’t need your parenting advice.
“People are always telling me how to raise my daughter Dani,” Jones said, “and it’s like nothing I do is right.”
“They tell me her birthday cake shouldn’t have any refined sugars. They say I let her have too much screen time. That I should buy her more dresses and skirts because her clothes are too boyish. It’s ridiculous,” Jones said.
“You’d think the fact that I protect this city from villains like Kilgrave literally every day would earn me some credibility, but apparently not,” she said. “We love to tear women down for their parenting. But I’m not gonna put up with it anymore. The next person who tries to give me parenting advice is getting an ass-kicking. And that’s not just a threat, it’s a promise.” Jones concluded.
DISCLAIMER: This blog is satire.