Famed Siren Says They're Stereotyped by Patriarchy
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SAN RAFAEL, CA — Thanks to the popularity of the recent documentary Captain Marvel, cat owners around the country have been testing the DNA of their feline friends to see if they might be related to the adorable flerken Goose, owned by Carol Danvers.

As it turns out, the Harrison family in San Rafael, CA is in luck. Their half-Siamese half-calico kitty Mittens is, in fact, the offspring of Captain Marvel’s beloved Goose. And what’s more, Mittens recently gave birth to kittens of her own, and the Harrisons are putting them up for adoption.

“We just loved Captain Marvel so much. We really think Carol Danvers is an amazing role model for our daughter, Jennie. And it’s incredible to know that our little Mittens has a connection to her story,” said Karen Harrison.

The Harrisons have posted an adoption ad for the baby flerkens on the site Petfinder.com. The ad reads as follows:

“Carol Danvers had to fight aliens and the patriarchy, so you know she needed a loving companion to come home to. And now, you can welcome one of Goose’s grand-kitties into your family! These cuties are super adorable and affectionate. They’re getting their shots soon and will be ready to take home mid-May. They love boxes and string and they’re great with kids and other pets. Just don’t make them angry. And whatever you do, keep your eyes away from them. Adoption fee $80.”

 

DISCLAIMER: This blog is satire.