Batman Decides to Stay in And Watch Netflix With Cat
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batman animated seriesGOTHAM CITY – Forgoing his nightly routine of patrolling Gotham City in search of criminal activity to thwart, Batman decided to stay in tonight and watch a movie on Netflix with his cat, a five-year-old Himalayan named Dumpling he rescued last year from the Gotham ASPCA.

“I’m really trying to make self-care more of a priority,” said the Dark Knight. “How can I truly show up for the people I’m trying to protect if I don’t show up for myself first? Besides, Dumpling deserves the attention.”

After some deliberation, the World’s Greatest Detective reportedly decided to watch Legally Blonde, the 2001 comedy starring Reese Witherspoon as a peppy law student.

“That Elle Woods. She’s so perky. Despite all the terrible things people are doing around her, she never loses her optimism. You know, I should really take a page from her book,” he said.

According to sources, Batman also decided to make himself a nice, soothing cup of hot chocolate using what he calls “the good cocoa, not that Swiss Miss crap,” adding, “I mean, I work hard, I deserve it.”

In related news, the GCPD confirms the Joker is terrorizing dozens of patrons at the Gotham Square Panera Bread, and a shoot-out between the Falcone and Maroni crime families has resulted in seven casualties.


DISCLAIMER: This blog is satire.

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