NEW YORK, NY – Astoria resident Tom Smalls, 33, located the invisibility cloak formerly belonging to acclaimed wizard Harry Potter yesterday and dawned it for the duration of the afternoon, an experience he claims taught him a great deal about the daily lives of many women.
“I mean, I didn’t even know magic was real, I just stumbled onto the thing outside a Pret a Manger,” Smalls said in a press conference. “And now I get what women have been complaining about. People were invading my space on the train like I wasn’t even there. And dudes kept bumping right into me on the street without even acknowledging it. I went to a show last night and this tall guy stood right in front of my face. I couldn’t see a thing!”
The experience apparently impacted Smalls unfavorably in the workplace, as well.
“We had this big meeting and I kept leaning forward, trying to get my manager’s attention and he didn’t notice me at all,” Smalls said.
As of publication, Smalls has reportedly thrown the cloak in the garbage in hopes of returning to his normal life, in which he is routinely afforded the rapt attention of everyone he encounters.
DISCLAIMER: This blog is satire.