ALBERTA, CANADA – In a press release, Weapon X, a weapons and technology division of Canada’s Department K, announced it will begin providing healing factors — similar to that of the widely recognized X-Man Wolverine — to Americans struggling to afford health insurance.
“In the past, many of our programs have been off the books, black ops. But we realized that was no longer necessary,” the statement begins. “So many Americans are struggling to afford basic healthcare, we realized we could actually operate in the open by offering healing factors to those in need. It will be a huge P.R. gain for us.”
With rhetoric continuing to come out of the White House about ending Obamacare, it seems likely many Americans will take the nefarious organization up on its offer.
“I’m supposed to get some lab work done but I’ve been putting it off because I haven’t met my deductible and money is tight right now,” said Washington, D.C. resident Amanda Smalley, 34. “So yeah, I just might think about this whole healing factor thing. I mean it’s free – just like all heathcare in Canada!” she continued.
According to sources in the Canadian government, Weapon X is also considering providing free adamantium skeletons to Americans who have osteoporosis, broken bones, or other bone health challenges.
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