Captain Marvel and Wonder Woman Mud Wrestle
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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Captain Marvel and Wonder Woman, two of the world’s most recognizable superheroes, will face each other in a mud wrestling match today. The match will be broadcast on ESPN at 6pm/5pm central.

With the premiere yesterday of the Marvel Studios biographical film based on the life of Carol Danvers, widely known a Captain Marvel, debate sprang once again around the question of who is the most powerful superhero, Danvers or Diana Prince, known publicly as Wonder Woman.

Both women are formidable heroes, and both have received significant media attention over the last year. And because two accomplished women can’t be respected equally at the same time, many fans often demonstrate a seemingly endless curiosity about which woman is, indeed, the better superhero. After much discussion among fans and experts, it was agreed that a mud wrestling match would be the most effective method of finally settling the debate.

“We know one of them has to be better than the other, and there are many ways to go about testing it,” said Scott Petrovsky, PhD, superhero scholar and professor at Georgetown University. “We could measure the speed at which they heal from injuries. Compare the relative damage done to supervillains by their respective powers. But we in the academic community feel mud wrestling was the right option.”

“What’s the purpose of determining which of them is the most impressive superhero?” Petrovsky asked. “It’s because we – their public – love passing judgment on women. So we might as well take the opportunity to judge their bodies while we’re at it. After all, that is the subtext of this debate,” he continued.

As of publication, Danvers and Prince were reportedly preparing for the highly anticipated sparring match by dawning bikinis and hosing each other down in slow motion next to a massive mud pit on the lawn of the National Mall.

DISCLAIMER: This blog is satire.