WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference today, world-renowned superhero and member of the Justice League Wonder Woman announced she will no longer be apologizing for things she’s not actually sorry about.
“You know how sometimes you’re on a train and a guy sits down next to you and starts taking up your space? And you say ‘sorry’ and squeeze into the corner? Well, I’m not doing that anymore,” she said.
“I mean, just yesterday after I got back from single-handedly defeating Ares yet again, Steve was walking toward me in the hall. He bumped my shoulder and I was the one who apologized! I wasn’t like this when I lived on Themyscira! That’s what happens when you move from a paradise populated by confident, empowered women to a society whose nuanced and sophisticated view of female sexuality includes using breasts to sell double bacon cheeseburgers.”
When asked if she plans to continue apologizing when she does something she is in fact sorry for, Wonder Woman replied, “I’ll get back to you when that happens.”
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